The Golden Compass and What it Led Me To

If you are lazy and only collect a check once a month out of sheer laziness… I have some bad news for you – you are not better than me – do not act it.

My sister is a huge Simpson’s fan and has been her entire life. So the other day I went and I rented her the new Simpson’s video game and one of the boss battles in the game is you have to play a DDR style game against God. i find this to be hysterical, along with many other things in the game but it raised the question in my mind of “If they are bitching about The Golden Compass’ supposed underlying atheist theme – why is dancing with God okay in the Simpson’s game?” Maybe it is just because whiny Christian groups know they just cannot win against Matt Groening and crew, but who knows.

Screw PETA.

As much as I more often than not talk about my growing dislike for Cloverfield – I have found I love the show Lost. The show, not a very simple concept but very interesting none the less. I have been watching the hell out of it as of late and I love it… still hate Cloverfield though.

PETA: This is an organization that needs to use scantly clad women to draw attention to there cause – even though it is such a wondrous cause. Bullshit, it is just a bunch of people who have too much time on their hands so they go and bitch about everything related to animals. sure animals shouldn’t be tortured before they – but they are going to die and I am going to eat them. So please do not peddle your bull toward me – I don’t want to hear it and I do not care.

The thought of PETA makes me want to get Hulk Hogan, jump into a car that produces high-levels of pollution, find a panda bear and fist fight that mother – just so I can tell the people off in PETA to their faces. I have seen more against PETA than for PETA… screw them – anyone who supports them has issues – and obviously needs to get a job or some kind of hobby to occupy what little time they have left on the earth.

Cloverfield: Why I Already Hate It.

I went, like many to see Transformers in its opening weekend and it was well worth the 8 bucks to see it and I was more than happy to buy it when it came out on DVD. But as many know, there was a mysterious teaser before Transformers – one that left a lot of questions in ones mind. Of course the speculation started and the movie got the codename “Cloverfield” and is apparently a monster movie of some sorts – some say Godzilla – and God I hope not.

Then there appeared to be some information seeping out here in there in the form of websites with hidden clues, this of course isn’t unusual, but it is the way that it has been gone about that really gets on my nerves. Everyone by now is more annoyed than excited about this film, now officially called “Cloverfield”… yeah… real terrifying name… But anyway, they claim that information will be released in an internet web site alternate reality game similar to that of “The Dark Knight”. The problem with this is – no one has seen any of these web sites even though they are supposedly in development. As far as anyone knows there are just three web sites actually related to the movie and they really aren’t giving away enough to keep anyone interested.

Now with the lack of promotional web sites that were promised and well lack of a good name, I am really starting to hate this film, a film I was once excited for and haven’t even seen. Because ‘The Dark Knight” has done more web game related advertising at it is a bigger name movie and really doesn’t need it, most people will see it because it is Batman! Hell, the Nine Inch Nails album “Year Zero” got a hell of an internet based alternate reality game going that even managed to manifest itself into actual events adding to the concept of the album.

Now with all of this in mind, I really hate this film – I will see it – sure. But I am no longer expecting anything awesome to come of it, now I could be wrong – it could be great but I’m starting to doubt it.

I Got a Cover

I was sitting around not doing a thing, so I figured I would type out a few of my favorite covers and why I like them… I have nothing better to do.

Pantera – Planet Caravan (Originally by Black Sabbath)

Although the song was a stand out track on the Black Sabbath album “Paranoid” there is something about Dimebag’s interpretation and the vocal styling of Phil Anselmo that gives this song a new twist and adds to the far off and dreamy feeling that made this track memorable for many upon its original release.

Opeth – Soldier of Fortune (Originally by Deep Purple)

Most people have heard of this song, but the only way to hear the Opeth version is by picking up a copy of the Special Edition version of “Ghost Reveries”. Why does it stand out to me? To put it simply – the voice of Mikael Åkerfeldt. This man has a vocal prowess that could make in a profession vocalist weep and it stands out on the cover track.

Cream – The Crossroads (Originally “Crossroad Blues” by Robert Johnson)

This is no contest, almost any cover involving Eric Clapton is incredible but they took an old blues song (which was incredible in itself) and really made it shine into a solo laden masterpiece.

Tool – No Quarter (Originally Led Zeppelin)

Tool: that should be the name that spells it all out for you. These guys are musical geniuses and they could only add to something made by Led Zeppelin. They changed around the lyrics a bit and made this an incredibly dark piece with their classic Tool sound and classic Tool vocal distortion. If you haven’t heard this cover, you need to check it out, it is well worth your time.

System of a Down – The Metro (Originally by Berlin)

This already screwy song was taken to a whole new level when the masters of bizarre lyrics and crazy guitar lines got a hold of it. I just love this cover and it really has nothing to do with my love for Serj Tankian and System of a Down – it is just a bad ass cover.

Johnny Cash – Hurt (Originally by Nine Inch Nails)

I love Nine Inch Nails and I have respect for Johnny Cash – so when I heard Cash’s dark, depressing cover of an already dark and miserable song – I instantly fell in love with it… like everyone else.

Those are pretty much it for now, if I can think of any others I will probably add them to the list. I feel as if covers are important to the music world, they can introduce a new audience to an old song, an old band or even a style of music they wouldn’t have thought they liked.

Jesus for Coke?

I would consider myself a man with a lot of time on his hands, not because I am unemployed, because I do have a job – but because I have an incredibly high amount of inner dialog that more often than not takes me on tangents that I rarely share with others. But today amongst the dough thickness jokes and the bizarre amount of time we spent talking about cats – I began thing about how if messiahs of certain religions where around today – they would be more popular than celebrities but they would still receive the same amount of scrutiny as a common celebrity even though they would be “prophets”.

But what struck me funny and I did actually laugh out loud a bit was the thought of Jesus doing an advertisement for Coca-Cola. Because in all fairness, people who are just sort of celebrities (Paris Hilton) get advertisement deals all the time, so I could only assume that the messiah for a chosen religion would get similar treatment.

I feel as if most ads would go something like this:

 ”Hi, I’m [insert Messiah's name here] and when I am not listening to the word of my chosen God I like to relax with a nice cold Coca-Cola. So the next time you are struggling for answers and a little relief – choose Coke!”

And since people love to fight and compete over their faiths,  would rival messiahs do ads for rival companies?

Ah, I am probably going to hell for thinking this but – it makes sense to me. 

A Childhood Hero

Most boys of my generation, who are now adults, had their set of heroes when they were a young lad. Among these heroes may had been Superman, Batman, Spider-man, their Father, Uncle or hell one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But most boys of my generation could agree on one man as a hero, he was American, strong and everything we thought we wanted to be. This man was Hulk Hogan – and even to this day he could still probably take me down in a one on one match – but the point of this post is not to discuss my childhood hero, but to discuss someone who received an opportunity that I could have only dreamed of as a young boy – and threw it away.

I am not big on television, there are a few shows here and there that I like and I can hardly dedicate more than an hour to the tube but one day I did happen to catch an episode of “Hogan Knows Best”. And on this very episode a friend/boyfriend of Brooke Hogan’s comes down to help her work on her “music” – well of course Hulk isn’t all about some random teenage boy in his house around his teenage daughter so he decides he wanted to spend time with the boy. Of course this, what we will call “mansy”, tells Brooke he’d rather not hang out with Hulk and precedes to complain about it.

Well the time comes when he has to and he is made to work out with the Hulk, watch television with him and then shoot automatic weapons with him. And after all of this is over he goes back to his complaining that he had to do it… wait… this dude got to hang out with Hulk Hogan – watch television with him, weight lift with him and shot automatic weapons with him? I’d kill for that!? Those are three masculine bonding rituals that male friends partake in and this kid is stating he doesn’t want to do it? What? Oh yeah and as if he needed to prove his stupidity or inability to take in his situation properly he thought that the fight from Rocky III was an actual wrestling match – both equally fake – but there is a difference, even a moron can tell a movie from wrestling.

But I digress – my point is that this kid didn’t deserve to hang out with Hulk Hogan and had no idea the honor that was bestowed upon him. I would gladly hang out with Hulkamania, his daughter is a lovely young lady but I am not interested – I would’ve just been more than happy to hang out with Hulk Hogan – a childhood hero.